Thursday, October 29, 2009

My Life is Brilliant

(my love is pure...I saw an angel...of that I'm sure...she smiled at me on the subway...she was with another man...and I won't lose no sleep at night cuz I got a plan. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!)

ANYWAYS. Ashley has found me a bit of heaven. Ahem* Drum roll, please......

I am the owner of a Macbook Pro.

Look at it, in all its sleekness. And it's mine.

HOW very pretty. Lovely, lovely. It seriously made my life. Unwrapping it from its box--it changed my world.

SO, this is love. Sweet.

Sunday, October 25, 2009


THE other night, Elly, Leslie, Sydney and I went to the international theater. They were showing "Dark Water," a Japanese horror film. Ya. Japanese movies are psycho. To the extreme. It was all really random and then it just got disturbed--with this asparagus-esque girl stalking a woman and her child, dripping from ceilings, filling up bathtubs. Joy. But, with all its freakiness, it was pretty creepy. And that night, I was lying in bed in the dark and my mind started to dark water. So I put my ipod in and played solitaire for an hour and then, as soon as I turned it off, I heard this creepy dripping noise and my heart stopped. Like, holy hannah on toast. Freak. Out. But it was okay; no green children tried to drown me.

I played card games with Elly yesterday.

WE played a game that is sort of like Scrabble...but not. It's called Slam and you take a four letter word and change out one letter at a time to make new words. Like FATE to FAME and so forth. Well, we wanted to be awesome and make the game-for-8-year-olds harder. So I was all "What about MUCK?" thinking PUCK and SUCK. But Elly gasps, and says "NO!" Ya. Somebody has a dirty mouth. So we didn't play MUCK....

ACTUALLY, we wound up playing Phase Ten with Adelay and her lover-boy. It was pretty fun. Except everyone had a vendetta against little ole me. Especially said lover. He decided the Skip card stood for Shelby. Joy. (It's just because I'm so good and they felt threatened).

AND, fyi, Newsies songs are stuck in my head.

"Santa fe!!!!"

Friday, October 23, 2009

So Much For Excitement

I was supposed to have some wicked sweet story. But it has been a week and, alas, no wickedness or sweetness.

I am considering swallowing some pistols. For I am without a computer and, therefore, without my life. It really is hard not having my beautiful, lovely laptop. Sigh*

IT all began when my computer started breathing. Yes, breathing. Long, deep sighs of sadness. So I texted ashley and here follows the conversation:

Me: Ashley, my computer is breathing.

Ashley: explain

Me: it keeps whirring.

Ashley: can I have [it's] numba'? Can I have it? Can I have it?

Me: [number]

Ashley: It looks like you're in need of a check-up

Me: What?

Ashley: Give it to me, baby (Uh huh, oh ya!)

Me: How do I live without a computer??

Ashley: I'm sorry.

LOVELY, isn't it? My question is since when are computers in need of check-ups. Like babies. Like little children going to kindergarten? How did my computer become synonymous with sniffling babies? But I guess computers are people too and, sometimes, they need a doctor. It just makes life hard. And it is ridiculous.

ALL because my computer wanted to breathe.

SO that is my life: without a computer for a week. In college. I might go insane.

(Case in point: I am using a Toshiba right now. It fails. I want to snap it in half. Forget check-up's--I want to send this computer to the ER.)

Friday, October 16, 2009

Haha, Sucka

FOR Ashley, who felt unloved in Laura's great shadow.


So, because she tempted me, I will now show the world Ashley's version of Awesomeness.

Look at de wittle Ashley!! Oh, so cute*

And, yes, she did wear dresses.
Once upon a time.
Till dad introduced her to Levi's.

Now she hates Levi's and dresses.
which is ironic.

Ah, Ashley.
No, she does not play hockey.
She skates as her dogs pull. And she protects herself in this manner.
Such a poster child for "Safety First," isn't she?

AND, to fully show my love for her, I have here a song that is the epitome of Ashley the Great. Be prepared.

THAT is my tribute to Ashley. She is awesome. And I can't NOT think of her when I hear the awfulness that is Hampton the Hamster. (Ugh. I'm gonna eat a pistol...)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

the Eulogy

BUT not really. Because Laura didn't die. And this is for her. Because she is awesome and I am so proud to call her sister. (Actually, I call her Laura, but you get the point).

LAURA is a sophomore at Tuachan High School, which is a charter school focusing on the performing arts. Blah bleh blah blah blah. Right. Whatever. BUT, today, she was cast as a (supporting) leading role in the school play!!! As a sophomore! Which is aWeSoMe!! AmAzInG!!! sPeCtAcUlAr!!! Just plain EPIC. Oh, it makes me so happy. I am so proud to call her my little sister.

SHE gets to play a nine year old girl in White Christmas! How cool is that?! super. And I get to see her (don't i, mom? Yes.) and it is going to be awesome! At Tuachan!

ANYWAYS, back to the eulogy part of this.

this is laura.
this is normal face for laura.
I heart laura.

plus, it looks like she farted.
Hence the joyful expression on her face.


Here is Laura.
Melissa cut her hair.
It was a dark time.

Her acting was the only way she survive*

(*may be a fabricated statement,
but mostly true.)

and here is proof of her further awesomeness.
if this does not prove her worthiness for such a part, you are insane.

AND Laura remains awesome.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Mommies and...Nope, That's About It

IN english today, we were having discussions about the various articles we've read so far. The game was, there were four chairs in the middle of the room and whoever wanted to talk got to sit in one of the chairs; other people could tap in as the discussion went on. Right.

WELL, it was pretty dull for the first 15 minutes. The discussers zoomed through two (lame) articles and time was not going fast enough. But then an article on motherhood came up. Written by a non-LDS writer, it's a personal narrative of a stay-at-home mom who thinks it (staying at home as a mother) is the greatest job ever and she never regrets it. And, boy, do some girls have some strong opinions on that one. Girls were flying in and out and I was finding myself nodding or shaking my head. I never really thought I had a strong opinion on that. Or at least I didn't recognize my opinion. But once people started saying things I couldn't agree with--things that were different from my opinion--I started to realize what, exactly, my stand on it was. People were talking passionately--yet kindly--about their views on career woman, motherhood, etc. And eventually the teacher--who is a woman and a mother and obviously working--had to sit in and give her ten cents. Of course she pointed out that it is sometimes--more often than not, now--economically impossible to be a stay-at-home mom. Which I agree with, for obvious reasons (I love my mom). And then this guy gets in--one of the first, so everyone sort of chuckles at him. He is the cute one that I enjoy flirting with. But he sits in and says that he thinks motherhood is the best thing a woman can do and that that should be the first goal in a woman's life. What really bothered me though were the girls who were all "Women need degrees--just in case their spouses die." Like, isn't that just asking for some built-up resentment when you have this degree you worked so hard getting and your husband just won't die?? And on the off-chance that he does die, the chances are slim that your degree will still matter. Or what if you never marry? Shouldn't you be at college, pursuing a degree/career because you want to? Is BYU really so stereotypical that girls really do come just to get married?

I have dreams. Sure, one is being a mother--preferably an at-home mother. And I want to get married; I want a spouse who can support me and said-children. But that is not why I'm here. I am here, spending my (parent's) hard earned money because I have dreams. And some concern a career outside of housewivery. I am here, not to learn to be the best mother, but to be the best me. It's not that I'm a feminist, sticking it to the man and DIY-ing it all. But I want to be a mother who can show her kids that she dreamed. And not only that, but that she reached her dreams. At least some of them. I want to be who I dream of being. And I want to do it without stereotypes looming over me. I know women are meant to be mothers. But that doesn't mean they can't be mothers with degrees and goals.

DON'T get me wrong: I love stay-at-home mothers. I loved having my mommy home. I think women who fit that stereotypical baking-cookies-in-curlers-and-pearls mold are amazing. Mothers totally kick trash. But for me, personally, I don't want to live my life thinking of how to be a stay-at-home mom. Right now, I'm living for me. Call me selfish, but I'm here for me, now; not possible/hopeful family and children in the future. Right now, I'm dreaming and I'm working towards those dreams. And I think that is what is eventually going to make me a good mother, be it stay-at-home or not. I'm not rushing to shove in all my experience before I get married and therefore am expected to put all my hard work on the shelf. No, because, for me, I want to show my kids that you can dream, no matter your sex or the smothering stereotypes around you. I want to show them that I dreamed up something--and that I'm still dreaming. Maybe I'm not Hannah Montana and I can't get the best of both worlds, but I sure am gonna try.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

My Life Is Boring


NOTHING is happening. This week has been uber lame. Omigosh. I've been doing homework 24/7 which is ridiculous. Most of the time, I'm in my room on my computer, silent and bored to tears. I get distracted with music, T.V. shows, really random thoughts. Yesterday, I was studying away and then I realized it was dark. Like, what the crap is with that?

IT'S been superbly unspecial. I've been living off of OJ and pretzels without really realizing that is all I've eaten. The day just melts away before I realize I'm hungry and I have had nothing real to eat. Sigh*

BUT yesterday, Michelle came over and it was a party. We watched The Mask of Zorro. Which isn't as good as The Legend of Zorro (Antonio Banderas got old....) but is still highly entertaining.

"It belongs in a museum...
and so do you."

THEN we got lost on Memory Lane. Man alive, a lot has happened--a lot happened in High School. And now we're in college. crAzy. And I introduced her to which happens to be hilarious. (That, too, has distracted me.) People just post random stories that make me LOL. haha.
Some favorites?
Today I was eating a cupcake when the phone rang. I panicked and stuffed the entire cupcake into my mouth. I still don't know why I did that. MLIA
Today I was babysitting my younger cousin when she asked for some gummy bears. Since there were two colors in the package I asked her if she perfered green or yellow, she replied the taste didn't matter since she just liked biting their heads off and being in control of their fate. She's four. She will achieve great things. MLIA
Today I was in the store and had a little girl, about 5 or 6 years old, storm past me, clearly upset. She slammed the box of cereal she was carrying back onto the shelf and turned to walk away again. As she passed me I heard her mutter 'that stupid unicorn has messed me up for the last time'. So many questions. MLIA
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I didn't know what to do, so I killed the Sim I made of him. I felt much better. MLIA.
Today, I was at the bakery when I heard a little girl hyperactively telling her mother she wanted a Hannah Montana cake, to which her mother replied, "But you don't even like Hannah Montana!" The little girl nonchalantly responded, "I know, I just want to eat her face." Our youth is doing just fine. MLIA.
Today, I was at Costco with my dad shopping for groceries. I was in the mood for Naked brand orange juice, so I turned to my dad and said, very loudly and casually, "Daddy, can we get Naked?" I have never heard Costco shoppers fall silent so quickly. MLIA
Today, expecting to get the answer 'penguins,' I asked my three year old cousin what kind of birds don't fly. She turned to me and said quite calmly and earnestly, "Dead ones." My day was made. MLIA.
Today, my dad was eating some chinese food and made a weird coughing/sneezing noise. I imediately started laughing and said, "That was unexpected." My dad responded, "So were you." I stopped laughing. MLIA
Today I saw a guy thumbing for a ride carrying a chainsaw. My life is complete. MLIA.
Today, I was walking through campus and I saw a squirrel behind a tree. I thought it would be funny to jump out from behind the tree and scare it. I jumped out at the squirrel, and in his confusion the squirrel ran towards me. I have never been more scared in my life. MLIA
Today, I realized that if you say "oops" my dog runs over and looks for food on the floor. I have taught him well. MLIA
Today, while waiting for my friend to come out of the bathroom at the mall, I saw a man walk into the men's bathroom, and come out 2 minutes later with an ice cream cone. I never wished I was a man more than I did at that moment. MLIA.
Today, I was playing with my sister when she suddenly slapped herself and screamed "OW. That hurt." My dad yelled at me for hitting my sister. I then explained to him what happened and he understood. A few minutes later, I slapped my sister, and she yelled the same thing. My dad then yelled at her to knock it off. I win. MLIA.
SO, ya, sorry my life hasn't been all that postable. But I promise something exciting will happen--it has to. Just be ready.

Friday, October 9, 2009


I hate doctors.

EYE doctors are the spawn of Satan, intent on swindling you for all your (parent's) worth.

THIS is enough.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Albanian School Drop-out

I went home for the weekend and, I've gotta say, I love my family. Though most of them weren't there, we still managed to be hIlArIoUs. Let me tell you. But first--a flashback.

ONCE when Justin was fourteenish, he had to do a project for his german class. So he was concocting who-knows-what in a neighbors blender, pretending to do an infomercial in German. Well, he was pouring in this, mixing in that and then he decided to stir it all around--as the blender was going. He stuck a spoon down and, of course, everything exploded. It was hilarious. And we got it on tape, so it is priceless.

WELL, today dad was making smoothies and he's laughing with Ashley and I and he pulls out a wooden spoon and he's all "Hey, who am I?" And he starts pretending to speak German, animatedly playing with the spoon in the blender, careful to keep it from going to far when--BAM!--he slips and the wooden spoon is caught in the blade and the smoothie explodes everywhere. Ashley and I burst out laughing. Dad got this huge boyish-grin-of-surprise and mom's all "What were you thinking?!" We're all just laughing; dad goes sheepish. The purple smoothie was everywhere. Dad's pants, the floor, counters, shelves, the ceiling. And Ashley and I couldn't stop laughing. Omigosh it was hilarious. Like, seriously. Dad's german, trying to mock a situation, thinking he had control. Oh, funny. So ironic, really. It's one of those moments that make you just gotta love life. We spent the rest of the evening sipping at the smoothie precariously, finding random chunks of wood of various sizes, all blended together beautifully. A great source of protein.

MAN, I wish we could have gotten it on tape. That was funny.